Hold that thought?

On Miley Cyrus, attachment styles and treating others for a positive effect

I’ve got ‘Flowers’ by Miley Cyrus as my current ear-worm, if you’ve been listening to rock or classical music, Miley’s song is a delightful and defiant pop tune and great for a running playlist. It’s piqued interest as the video is allegedly aimed at an ex.

Some psychologists think we listen to music that most closely relates to our own relationships, and this is highlighting our global western preference for avoidant style music.

I’m not so sure that lyrics are the only thing that drive our music preferences, so I look forward to seeing more research to support that theory. The one thing I can get behind though is buying myself flowers.

Photo by Alex Blăjan on Unsplash

Afterall, flowers bring lots of joy, and psychologically speaking, they are super stimuli that prime our responses because the giving and receiving of flowers for key occasions is deeply rooted in our lives through rituals.

But I wonder, will Miley and I get as much psychological joy buying our own flowers? Perhaps not, the evidence shows that giving flowers to others would be the way to go if she wanted to achieve maximum positive effect.

The act of being prosocial boosts our mood more than treating ourselves, and even leads to more wealth over time. What do I mean by being prosocial? it’s generally understood as stuff we do to benefit other people, small and kind gestures like opening a door for someone, or volunteering. Yet research published earlier this month shows that we underestimate the impact of our prosocial acts on other people, we hold back from expressing gratitude to others, in fact you could be missing out because we hold back nearly 40% of compliments that come to mind, because we undervalue good intentions, or imagine awkwardness the recipient might feel.

The other side of prosociality is that it plays an intruiging part in conformance, being proscocial on a tube or bus can look like giving up a seat for someone, and that act is conforming to cultural ideals of who is more deserving of a seat.

I love the defiant and non comformist element of Miley’s song, but the fact is that if she wants to feel better, small acts of kindness towards others are the way to go. Grand gestures and huge bouquets of flowers aside, it’s the warmth and delivery that receivers value the most.

P.s If Mr Ainge is reading, this is categorically evidence that buying me flowers for valentines will make you feel good. Honest.