Are you stuck?

How to psychologically broaden your horizons

A friend of mine recently described themselves as ‘rudderless’, I took this to mean that they were floating in a vast sea of opportunity, if only they could get a steer.

Photo by Diogo Sousa on Unsplash

A state of limbo is of particular interest for psychologists who are exploring life experiences, it describes both the disorientating and ambiguous ways in which life transitions can affect people. Limbo is a word that is used by people displaced by war, it crops up in the psychological experiences of asylum seekers and people who are transitioning to civilian life from a life in service. People who are waiting for life changing decisions around adoption or organ donation also refer to being ‘in limbo’. In these extreme examples, there is a notable absence of control or agency over what is happening.

However, we all experience periods of limbo that are less life threatening, and often we have created or pushed ourselves into these limbo spaces with the choices we make. In this sense, limbo is a transitional space for change, and sometimes we can’t quite put our finger on why it feels so uncomfortable or challenging.

From a psychological wellbeing perspective, limbo occupies a space between flourishing and depression. Characteristically, flourishing is where things are generally going well, give or take some of life’s curveballs, and it sits firmly within the positive psychology movement of the 1990’s. Up until this point psychology had focused on mental illness and deficits. Psychologists like Martin Seligman shifted this human problem narrative towards a focus on the things that lead to our psychological wellbeing, or a more meaningful life with warts and all.

And here’s what we know, humans flourish despite moments of anger, sadness, frustration and grief. The idea that two things can be true at the same time is something that we struggle with though.

One of my most popular talks on mindset has an entire section dedicated to our problematic uses of labels and inflexible thinking, because, when you think about it, we are encouraged in stereotypical ways to consider ourselves one thing or another. Happy or sad, labelling and categorising is one way we reduce complexity and life’ s multiple choices, but it is also flawed. We are biased to think in dichotomies (to figure things out quickly) which might explain the uncomfortableness we feel about being in limbo which is not quite flourishing!

The opposite of flourishing is when we don’t or can’t cope with the stuff that life throws at us, our ability to flourish is compromised by sustained or relentless negative thoughts or events. Very simplistically, the things that wouldn’t normally phase us, become things that bother us deeply.

But psychologically speaking, most of us experience a whole range of emotions in a typical day, so it’s hardly surprising that we neglect the space between flourishing and depression

In fact, it is not unusual for us to be in limbo, a state of flux, or a funk.  In his New York Times article , the psychologist Adam Grant named ‘languishing’ the dominant emotion of 2021, to describe the way in which covid had changed the way we looked forward (or rather didn’t) to life events.

So what’s happening psychologically when we feel out of control,  lose interest, and can’t find our purpose?

First up, our cognitive processes are impacted by positive and depressive mood states, presumably this is a survival mechanism because when we are less positive, we narrow our focus and we adhere to rules more. Alternatively, when we are happier our focus broadens, known as the broaden-and-build theory, it explains why negative and positive emotions have different functions (Fredrickson & Levenson, 1998). Studies that measure very small voltages generated in the brain structures in response to specific events or stimuli appear to support this theory, positive mood can alter the early stage of stimulus processing (what we see) in the primary visual cortex.

This broadening and narrowing is important, if you need to take a leap of faith, you are probably a little less inclined to break the rules to do it when you are in a state of flux. Less innovation and creativity seems to occur. This particular state can contribute to that all or nothing mindset, or in simple terms feeling like we have less control over a situation than we do.

The limbo state also leads to preservation of the status quo and nudges our scarcity mindset. We are more likely to pursue avoidance goals, doing the things that prevent us from being homeless, hungry or ill for example. When we exclusively pursue these avoidance goals we miss out on enjoyment and creativity that fuels our interest in life.

Finally, the combination of feeling stuck and doing things out of avoidance can lead to misplaced purpose, being busy doing the wrong things can perpetuate that drifting feeling or enhance our feeling of dislocation.

I don’t think being in limbo is a terrible place to be though, remember at the start I interpreted my friends’ words to mean a vast sea of opportunity? Sometimes focusing on the things that will bring joy, or setting approach rather than avoidance goals can move us towards a renewed sense of purpose.

When you pursue happiness, you literally broaden your horizons.

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P.s. a side note on the origin of the word limbo.

The word limbo has theological roots, derived from the Latin limbus, it means edge or boundary, and was historically associated with unbaptised infants who had died. The Roman Catholic church no longer endorse this teaching or use the phrase in this way. Instead, pastoral psychology has redefined limbo, recognising the nuanced way in which it describes identity shifts and social reorientation. In 2010, Psychologists Capps and Carlin would outline five different domains of limbo, that can be explored in pastoral conversations.